He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
3pm strippers are depressing
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
