yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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