Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
