All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
