what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
