dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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