I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I think I sprained my soul last night
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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