where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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