Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
