Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just want to make out with him forever
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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