Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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