So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Someone signed my nipple.
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