if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
