I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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