I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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