I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
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Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
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It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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