he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
