If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
