I faked an abortion last night.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
