the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
