Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
