she woke up with a sticky ear
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize