Porn is love you can see.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
