Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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