you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
