Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
They took my balls.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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