Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
