it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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