idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
