why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
