ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
