i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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