He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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