I accidentally had phone sex last night
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
