I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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