Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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