Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
