there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Come share oat with me in your robe
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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