Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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