maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
