Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
