I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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