I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I can text with my tongue
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
