Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
