White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
