Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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