Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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