I think I died a long time ago.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
