the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
