yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
