I feel like abortions should bother me more
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
