great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
