man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
