I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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