i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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