If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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