I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
