a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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