Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
