just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
pray to the hookup gods
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