Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
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woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
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You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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