Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
