I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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