Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
