we have officially lost it.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
