I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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