Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
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I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
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I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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