i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
