i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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